为您找到与英语短篇冷笑话相关的共200个结果:
幽默寓于笑话之中,它是笑话的精料,智慧之所在。笑话是幽默的载体,一个成功的笑话能流传千古,听者和讲者都会感到快乐、欣喜,拍掌叫好!下面是读文网小编整理的短篇英语笑话,欢迎大家阅读!
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
父亲在哪儿?
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看,”哥哥说,“这些画多漂亮呀!”
“是啊,”弟弟说道,“可是在所有这些画中,只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢?”
哥哥想了会儿,然后解释道:“很明显,他当时正在画这些画呗。”
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笑话是一种艺术方法,用这种方法造成以笑为艺术手段的文学艺术作品。幽默寓于笑话之中,它是笑话的精料,智慧之所在。下面是读文网小编整理的英语搞笑冷笑话,欢迎大家阅读!
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
妻子:你会怎么形容我呢?
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
丈夫:ABCDEFGHIJK.
Wife: "What does that mean?"
妻子:那是什么意思?
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
丈夫:迷人的、魅力的、可爱的、令人愉悦的、优雅的、时髦的、漂亮的和火辣的。
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
妻子:哇,谢谢,但是“IJK”是什么意思呢?
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
丈夫:开个玩笑!
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下面是读文网小编整理的初中英语短篇演讲稿,以供大家学习参考。
Good morning teachers and fellow students. Today we would like to introduce a few favorite books to you.
My favorite book is (Italian: Cuore). This is a diary written by an Italian boy Enrico. The diary is about his life and study. It included various touching stories that happened around Enrico, the mottos taught by his parents, as well as the wonderful ten "monthly" stories told by his teacher during the class. Every word in the chapter describes the word "love". From patriotism to friendship, and to the love between parents and child -- really touching.
This novel taught me how to love, and how to learn from love. I really like this book very much. How about you? What is your favorite book?
My favorite book is . Have you read it before?
Oh, I haven’t read this book before. What is it about?
Well, it is a story of a rich girl who maintained her noble character after the bankruptcy of her father. The story is happy ending.
Can you tell us why you love this book so much?
Sure. It is because the story taught us to be brave and to face the challenges and difficulties with courage. I am deeply impressed by the strength and perseverance of the little princess in the story. I have decided to learn from her from now on.
Oh I see, the story sounds very good. I cannot wait to read this book as well.
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下面是读文网小编整理的6则英语冷笑话,希望大家喜欢!
The Reason of Being Late
Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?
Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost says, 'School -- Go Slow'.
迟到的原因
老师:约翰尼,为什么你每天早晨都迟到?
约翰尼:每当我经过学校附近的拐角处,就见路牌上写着‘学校-缓行’。
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下面是读文网小编整理的英语搞笑冷笑话,希望大家会喜欢!
A keen young teacher wanted to introduce her class to the glories of classical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert. To make the occasion even more memorable, she treated everyone to lemonade, cake, chocs and ices. Just as the party was getting back into their coach, she said to little Sally, "Have you enjoyed yourself today?"
"Oh, yes, miss!" said Sally, "It was lovely. All except the music, that is."
一位热心的年轻教师想让她的学生多了解一点优秀的古典音乐,就安排了一天下午去听音乐会。为了使这次活动能给大家留下更深的印象,她请大家喝柠檬汽水、吃点心、巧克力和冰淇淋。在大家回来上汽车的时候,她问小萨莉:“你今天玩得好吗?”
“噢,好极了,小姐,” 萨莉说,“除了音乐其它都很好。”
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下面是读文网小编整理的简单英语冷笑话,希望大家会喜欢!
A substitute teacher was trying to make use of her psychology background. She began her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, please stand up." Right away, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Why do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "I don’t, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
代课教师试图运用她的心理学知识。开始上课时,她说:“谁觉得自己很愚蠢,请站起来。”小约翰马上站起来了。老师问:“为什么你觉得你很愚蠢呢,小约翰?”“我不觉得我很蠢,只是我不愿意你一个人站在那!”
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参加一些英语的演讲比赛,不仅能提高小学生的英语口语,还能使他们从各个方面提升自身的气质,今天读文网小编在这里为大家分享一些三年级一分钟英语演讲稿,欢迎大家阅读!
A Place to Sleep 睡觉的地方
By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere." he pleaded. "Or just a bed--I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager," and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired traveler assured him. "I'll take it."
The next morning, John came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. When asked about how he slept, he replied, "Never better."
The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"
"Nope. I shut him up in no time."
"How'd you manage that?"
"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," John said. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful.' With that he sat up all night watching me."
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下面是读文网小编整理的英语爆笑冷笑话,希望对大家有帮助。
Just as I began my Christmas Eve service, the electricity in the church failed. The ushers and I found some candles and placed them around the sanctuary. Then I reentered the pulpit, shuffled my notes, and muttered, "Now, where was I?" A tired voice called out, "Right near the end!"
就在我开始平安夜祷告时,教堂停电了。教堂里的接待人员和我找到一些蜡烛,把它们放在礼堂周围。然后我重返讲道坛,整理了一下笔记后,我说:“刚才我讲到哪儿了?”传来一阵不耐烦的声音:“马上就讲完了!”
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下面是读文网小编整理的英语搞笑冷笑话,欢迎大家阅读!
Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story. Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.
"You talk to people on the telephone and don't see them on the other end of the line, right?" he began.
The children nodded yes. "Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone. He's on the other end, but you can't see him. He is listening though."
Just then a little boy piped up and asked, "What's his number?"
在电话中交谈 每个星期天牧师都会把孩子们叫到教堂前面,然后给他们讲一个故事。一天,他为了更好地阐述祈祷的含义,带来了一台电话机。
“你们和别人在电话里交谈,并没有看到电话线另一端的人,对吗?”他开始问道。孩子们点头称是。“好的,和上帝交谈就象通过电话交谈一样。他就在另一端,虽然你看不见他,但是他正在聆听你的心声。”
就在这时,一个小男孩尖着嗓子问道:“那他的电话号码是什么?”
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许多人从幼儿园就开始接触英语,这个时候多阅读一些英语故事是很有好处的,今天读文网小编在这里为大家分享一些幼儿园英语故事,欢迎大家阅读!
A Clever Panda
聪明的熊猫
A little panda picks up a pumpkin and wants to take it home. But the pumpkin is too big. The panda can’t take it home.
一只小熊猫摘了一只大南瓜,想把它拿回家。但是这只南瓜太大了,她没有办法把这么大的南瓜带回家。
Suddenly she sees a bear riding a bike toward her. She watches the bike. “I know! I have a good idea.” she jumps and shouts happily, “I can roll a pumpkin. It’s like awheel.”
突然她看见一只狗熊骑着一辆自行车朝她这边来。她看着自行车,跳着说:“有了!我有办法了。我可以把南瓜滚回家去。南瓜好像车轮。
So she rolls the pumpkin to her home. When her mother sees the big pumpkin, she is surprised, “Oh, my God! How can you carry it home?” the little panda answers proudly, “I can’t lift it, but I can roll it.” Her mother smiled and says,“What a clever girl!”
于是她把那瓜滚回家。当她妈妈看到这只大南瓜的时候,很惊讶:“天啊!这么食的南瓜!你是怎么把它带回家来的?”小熊猫自豪地说;“我拎不动它,可是我能滚动它啊!”她妈妈微笑着说:“真聪明啊!”
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下面是读文网小编整理的一些趣味英语冷笑话,欢迎大家阅读!
Having been married a long time, my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion. On the morning of our 35th anniversary, we were sitting at the breakfast table when I hinted, "Honey, do you realize that we've been sitting in these same two seats for exactly 35 years?"
Putting down the newspaper, he looked straight at me and said, "So, you want to switch seats?"
婚后已久,我丈夫往往在一个特别事情上需要委婉的提醒。在我们结婚35周年纪念的早上,我们正坐在早餐桌旁,我暗示道:“亲爱的,你意识到我们在这两个相同的座位上已坐了整整35年了吗?”
他放下报纸,眼睛直直地望着我:“因此,你想交换座位吗?
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下面是读文网小编整理的有趣英语冷笑话,欢迎大家阅读!
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
老师: 这儿有两只鸟,一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗?
学生:我指不出,但我知道答案。
老师:请说说看。
学生:燕子旁边的就是麻雀,麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
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在英语考试的听力中,英语情景对话是必考的一类问题,今天读文网小编在这里为大家分享一些三人英语对话短文,希望这些英语对话对大家有所帮助!
M: hi, Dan, what are u doing?
D: I am playing war craft.
M: Where is Tommy?
D: Shiiiii!
M:What? What's the matter?
D: Don't u see? He is still sleeping.
M: My goodness! I can't believe this! It’s almost nine. He got to get up now. Don't u remember we are required to make up a three people dialogue for tomorrow's oral class?
D: Yes, I do. You wake up Tommy and I will play one more round of war craft.
M: You'd better stop playing right now. We don't have much time to prepare this dialogue. Tommy! Tommy! Wake up! Time to wake up!
T:five more minutes, please.
Mike: No way, Jose. Time really flies.We still have a lot to do. Hurry up.
T: (Tommy sits up in his bed) Can I lie down two more minutes, please, just two more minutes? when Danny finishes his game, I will be fine.(Yawns) I don't know why I am so so sleepy. (Tommy lies down again.)
M: Guys!!! I am really angry now. Time waits for nobody. If you two don't stop what you are doing now, I will find somebody else to be my partners.
D and T: all right. All right. We listen to u.
M: That's more like it. We need will power.
D and T: what is will power?
M: Will power is trying hard not to do something that you really want to do.
D: You mean like trying not to play war craft?
Mike: right.
T: you mean like trying not to stay up late?
M: right.
Danny turns off his computer. Tommy gets up and goes to the bathroom.
Two minutes later the three maskeetters are working on their assignment.
Danny: Mike, can I take a little break? Let me play one round and we will continue our work?
Tommy: Mike, Can I lie down a minute? My back hurts.
Mike: No! No! No! Let's finish our work first before we do anything. We need will power!!!
Danny and Tommy: that's true. We need will power! We listen to you
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一些幽默的英语故事,能提高我们阅读英语的兴趣,从而提高英语的阅读能力,今天读文网小编在这里为大家分享一些经典幽默英语小故事阅读,欢迎大家阅读!
Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?”
“Ten.” Jim says.
“Then,” Mother asks.
“Yes, Mum. Four candles are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach. Four and six is ten, isn?t it right?”
故事2 十块糖
妈妈问儿子:“吉姆, 如果你有10块糖,吃了4块,那你还有几块糖?” “10块。”吉姆说。
“10块?”妈妈问。
“是的,妈妈。因为4块在我的肚子里面,6块在肚子外面,4加6等于10,不对吗?”
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多阅读一些短篇的英语美文,对于我们英语阅读能力的提高会有所帮助,今天读文网小编在这里为大家分享一些英语短篇美文赏析,希望大家会喜欢这些优美英文!
If you want to understand adversity, take two identical acorns from the same oak tree and plant them in two different locations. Plant the first in the middle of a dense forest, and the other on a hill by itself.
如果你想理解什么是逆境,就去拿两颗从同一棵树上摘下来年龄相同的橡树果,并且把它们种到不同的地方。第一颗种在浓密的树林当中,而另外一颗则单独种在一座山上。
Here's what will happen. The oak standing on a hillside is exposed to every storm and gale. As a result its roots plunge deep into the earth and spread in every direction, even wrapping themselves around giant boulders. At times it may seem the tree isn't growing fast enough—but the growth is happening underground. It's as if the roots know they must ported the tree from the threatening elements.
事情的结果便是这样。那颗长在山上的橡树经历了大风大雨,结果它的根深深地扎进了泥土中间,并不断向四周扩张,甚至把自己置身于巨大的石块当中。有时它可能看起来长的不是很快,但这时它却在地下悄悄生长着,好像它的根知道自己必须快速生长来保护树木免受自然危害的影响。
What about the acorn planted in the forest? It becomes a weak, frail sapling. And since it is protected by its neighbors, the little oak doesn't sense the need to spread its roots for support.
而种在树丛中的橡树果是什么样子的呢?它变成了一棵虚弱的小树苗。因为有周围树丛的保护,所以这棵小树苗便不知道要把自己的根扎得更深。
Don't be afraid of adversity! Welcome it! That's your surefire route to ultimate success.
不要害怕困难!要欢迎它!困难是你最终成功的必经之路。
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英语美文用简单温暖的文字、真实动人的情感传达语言之美,让读者在阅读之后,感同身受,触动心灵。通过英语美文,不仅能够感受语言之美,领悟语言之用,还能产生学习语言的兴趣。度过一段美好的时光,即感悟生活,触动心灵。下面是读文网小编为大家带来短篇英语美文欣赏,希望大家喜欢!
"Mom, you should put some of your things away. Baby proof this house," stated our oldest son Mark as he lumbered up the stairs followed by his wife, Kim, and fifteen-month-old Hannah.
Visiting for the Thanksgiving holiday, he finished unloading the luggage and took it to the guestroom downstairs. After driving all day from Salt Lake to Ft. Collins, his temper showed. "That one finger rule may work with the twins, but it'll never work with Hannah, " he insisted.
When my three granddaughters were born four months apart and the twins moved into our house at eight months, my close friend offered me her secret to entertaining grandchildren with few mishaps. "Teach them the 'one finger rule'." All of her five grandchildren learned it at a young age. The success of the method surprised me.
I picked up my granddaughter and said, "Well, Mark, you just watch." I hugged her and walked all around the great room.
"Hannah, you may touch anything in this room you want. But, you can only use one finger." I demonstrated the technique by touching my forefinger to the African sculpture on the mantle. Hannah followed my example. "Good girl. Now what else would you like to touch?"
She stretched her finger toward another object on the mantle. I allowed her to touch everything in sight, plants, glass objects, TV, VCR, lamps, speakers, candles and artificial flowers. If she started to grab, I gently reminded her to use one finger. She always obeyed. But, Hannah, an only child, possessed a more adventur ous personality. Her father predicted it would prevent her from accepting the"one finger"rule.
During their four-day stay, we aided Hannah in remembering"one finger"rule. She learned quickly. I only put away the things that might prove to be a danger to a child. Otherwise, we watched her closely and nothing appeared to suffer any damage. Besides, "things"can be replaced.
A few fingerprints on glass doors, windows and tables remained after Hannah and her family returned home. I couldn't bring myself to clean them for days. Each one reminded me of some wonderful experience with Hannah.
Months later, my husband and I drove to Salt Lake; I watched Mark and Kim continue to practice the one finger rule. But I refrained from saying, "I told you so." Yet, I smiled inwardly each time they prodded Hannah to touch with "one finger. " Mark, a salesman, always gave a packet of gifts to his potential clients. The night before we returned home, Mark sat on the floor stuffing gifts into their packets. Hannah helped.
Then she picked up one gift, held it in her hand as if it were a fragile bird, and walked toward me. At my knee, her beautiful blue eyes looked into mine. She stretched her prize to me and said, "One finger, Nana!"
以上就是读文网小编为大家带来的短篇英语美文欣赏,希望大家喜欢!
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从古到今,笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”。笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松,在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。下面读文网小编为大家带来英语幽默冷笑话翻译,欢迎大家阅读!
A husband and wife, both 91, stood before a judge, asking for a divorce. "I don't understand," He said, "Why do you want a divorce at this time of life?"
The husband explained, "Well, you see, we wanted to wait until the children died."
有一个丈夫和妻子都是91岁,他们站在法官面前,要求离婚。“我不明白,”法官说,“你们为什么到了这把年纪还要离婚?”
丈夫解释道:“嗯,你是知道的,我们想要等到孩子们都死了。”
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学习英语,阅读真的很重要,多阅读一些英语短篇美文能有效提高自己的英语阅读能力,下面读文网小编在这里整理了一些英语美文短文精选给大家,希望大家会喜欢这些英语美文!
Through the cold winter wasteland a man trudged, leaning into the harsh wind which spitefully tried to force him back. He was covered from head to toe in layers of thick clothing, layers of protection against the harsh environment. On he fought, searching, searching. He was working so hard. This must be the way.
在寒冷的冬季,以为男子在荒地中的前行举步维艰,狂风肆虐几乎要将他吹倒。他从头到脚包裹着厚厚的衣物,用来抵御这恶劣的环境。他不遗余力的寻找着,寻找着,一定有办法。
In the distance he saw what looked like steam rising out of the ground. It rose a few feet and then was quickly whipped away by the biting wind. He altered his course and turned towards the steam, gaining some blessed relief as he turned his chapped face out of the gale.
远远地他看见有蒸汽从地下往上冒,只有短短几英尺。接着狂风拖曳着他往回,他改变了方向超蒸汽那里出发,感谢上天他开裂的脸蛋不再曝露在狂风之中。
As he got closer, he thought he could make out voices. Their tone was unfamiliar to him - musical, relaxed and warm - their melody enticed him closer. Finally he got close enough to peer through the mist.
他渐渐走近,发现自己可以说话了。对方的声音听起来很陌生,但是如同音乐一般让人感觉到放松,温暖。他们的旋律吸引着他不断靠近。最后,在迷雾中他靠近了他们。
There before him was a remarkable sight. In the midst of the frozen wasteland, cut into the ground was a large pool. Several people were in the pool, they seemed to be floating easily without any effort. As they saw him approach, a woman called out to him.
在旅人面前呈现出一个奇妙的场景。在刺骨寒冷的湿地中,地面上有这么大一个池塘。有不少人在其中,毫不费力地在池中飘来飘去。在旅人靠近之时,一位女士叫住了他。
"Come in here. It is lovely and warm. You can just lie back and relax," said the woman.
“进来吧,这里温暖舒适。你可以躺下放松。”女士说道。
"I can't. There are no steps." The man replied.
“我不能,这里都没有台阶。”旅人答道。
"Just jump in. It really is lovely in here. Come on. Theoure's plenty of room for another." Another of the floaters joined in the persuasion.
“只要跳进来就好了,这里很棒,快点,还有不少位子呢。”池中其他人也附和说道。
"But what if I don't like it, how will I get out? The sides are too high to reach up to."
“但是如果我不喜欢这里了,怎么出来?边缘太高很难出来。”
"Believe me, you won't want to get out. Come on. It is so good in here."
“相信我,你不会想要出来的,快点进来,这里真的很好。”
But he decided not to jump in. And that was a wise decision.
但他没有往下跳。而这是个明治的选择。
There're many things and people in life like this pool. They promise you life can be easy.
生活中有很多人和事像这个水池一样,他们像你承诺无忧无虑。
But in fact, they are traps that you can't come back from.
但实际上,他们都是能让你万劫不复的陷阱。
Life is hard. Stay wise. And fight.
生活是艰难的,请保持睿智,并战斗下去。
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