为您找到与英语小故事笑话相关的共200个结果:
1.No Bottles Accepted After Five O'clock
One day neat closing time at 6:30, four young children arrived with bottles. Wanting to put a stop to this habit, I sternly2 asked each child if he was aware of the rules. Three shook their heads no, but the youngest said he knew. "Why then." I asked, "have you brought me these bottles?"
"I can't tell time yet." He said.
为了缓解购物高峰,我们这个小水果店为孩子们退饮料瓶做了如下规定:
五点钟以后不收瓶子
快到六点半下班的时候,四个孩子来退瓶子。为了制止他们的这个习惯,我故意很严肃的问每个孩子是否知道我们的规定。其中三个孩子都摇头表示不知道。只有那个最小的说他知道。“那你为什么还在这个时间来退瓶子呢?”我问他。
“我还不认识表呢!”他说。
2.All Right
Hurrying my 11-year old daughter to school, I made a right turn at a red light when it was prohibited. "Uh-oh," I said, realizing my mistake. "I just make an illegal turn."
"I guess it's all right." my daughter replied, "The police car behind us did the same thing."
没关系
我赶着开车将11岁的女儿送到学校去,在红灯处右拐了,而那是不允许的(译注:在一些国家如英国,其交通规则是车辆左行的,与我国相反)。“啊噢,”意识到犯了错误,我说。“我刚才拐弯是违章的。”
“我想那没关系的,”女儿回答说:“我们后面的警车也同样拐了弯。”
3.Best Reward
A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.
"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I'd pulled you out, they'd chuck me in."
最好的奖赏
一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何才能酬谢他。
“最好的办法,长官,”这名水手说,“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您,他们会把我扔下去的。”
4.Be Careful What You Wish For
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.
慎重许愿
一对结婚25周年的夫妻在庆祝他们六十岁的生日。他们恰好在同一天出生。
庆祝活动中,一位仙女出现了。她说,由于他们是已经结婚25年的恩爱夫妻,因此她给许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望。
妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一声,她的手中出现了一张票。
接下来该丈夫许愿了。他犹豫片刻,害羞地说,“那我想要一位比我年轻30岁的女人。”
仙女拾起了魔术棒。“呯!”,他变成了90岁。
5.Don't Argue with Children
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that a whale swallowed Jonah.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
不要和小孩争论
一个小女孩和她的老师正在谈论有关鲸鱼的事情。
她的老师说:“一头鲸鱼从身体构造的角度看,是不可能吞掉一个人的。因为尽管鲸鱼是一种非常巨大的哺乳动物,可它的嗓子非常小。”
那个小女孩说约拿(一位西伯来先知)就是被鲸鱼吞掉的。
她的老师非常生气,她再次告诉小女孩说:“从身体构造角度来讲,鲸鱼是不可能吞掉一个人的。”
那个小女孩说:“那等我到了天堂,就去问问约拿。”
她的老师问:“那么,假如约拿下了地狱怎么办?”
那个小女孩回答:“如果是那样的话,你就去问他。”
6.The boy and the snails
A farmer's boy went looking for snails, and, when he had picked up both his hands full, he set about making a fire at which to roast them; for he meant to eat them. When it got well alight and the snails began to feel the heat, they gradually withdrew more and more into their shells with the hissing noise they always make when they do so. When the boy heard it, he said, "You abandoned creatures, how can you find heart to whistle when your houses are burning?"
男孩和蜗牛
一个乡下少年到处寻找蜗牛,当他双手都塞满了蜗牛后,就准备点火烤着吃。火点着了,蜗牛也开始感觉到热了,他们纷纷退向坚壳的深处,同时还发出“咝咝”的噪音。男孩子听到了蜗牛发出的嘘声,便说:“你们这些连命都快没有的家伙,怎么还能有心情在窝里着火时吹口哨呢?”
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1.Be Careful What You Wish For
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.
慎重许愿
一对结婚25周年的夫妻在庆祝他们六十岁的生日。他们恰好在同一天出生。
庆祝活动中,一位仙女出现了。她说,由于他们是已经结婚25年的恩爱夫妻,因此她给许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望。
妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一声,她的手中出现了一张票。
接下来该丈夫许愿了。他犹豫片刻,害羞地说,“那我想要一位比我年轻30岁的女人。”
仙女拾起了魔术棒。“呯!”,他变成了90岁。
2.All Right
Hurrying my 11-year old daughter to school, I made a right turn at a red light when it was prohibited. "Uh-oh," I said, realizing my mistake. "I just make an illegal turn."
"I guess it's all right." my daughter replied, "The police car behind us did the same thing."
没关系
我赶着开车将11岁的女儿送到学校去,在红灯处右拐了,而那是不允许的(译注:在一些国家如英国,其交通规则是车辆左行的,与我国相反)。“啊噢,”意识到犯了错误,我说。“我刚才拐弯是违章的。”
“我想那没关系的,”女儿回答说:“我们后面的警车也同样拐了弯。”
3.Best Reward
A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.
"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I'd pulled you out, they'd chuck me in."
最好的奖赏
一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何才能酬谢他。
“最好的办法,长官,”这名水手说,“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您,他们会把我扔下去的。”
4.No Bottles Accepted After Five O'clock
One day neat closing time at 6:30, four young children arrived with bottles. Wanting to put a stop to this habit, I sternly2 asked each child if he was aware of the rules. Three shook their heads no, but the youngest said he knew. "Why then." I asked, "have you brought me these bottles?"
"I can't tell time yet." He said.
为了缓解购物高峰,我们这个小水果店为孩子们退饮料瓶做了如下规定:
五点钟以后不收瓶子
快到六点半下班的时候,四个孩子来退瓶子。为了制止他们的这个习惯,我故意很严肃的问每个孩子是否知道我们的规定。其中三个孩子都摇头表示不知道。只有那个最小的说他知道。“那你为什么还在这个时间来退瓶子呢?”我问他。
“我还不认识表呢!”他说。
5.Don't Argue with Children
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that a whale swallowed Jonah.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
不要和小孩争论
一个小女孩和她的老师正在谈论有关鲸鱼的事情。
她的老师说:“一头鲸鱼从身体构造的角度看,是不可能吞掉一个人的。因为尽管鲸鱼是一种非常巨大的哺乳动物,可它的嗓子非常小。”
那个小女孩说约拿(一位西伯来先知)就是被鲸鱼吞掉的。
她的老师非常生气,她再次告诉小女孩说:“从身体构造角度来讲,鲸鱼是不可能吞掉一个人的。”
那个小女孩说:“那等我到了天堂,就去问问约拿。”
她的老师问:“那么,假如约拿下了地狱怎么办?”
那个小女孩回答:“如果是那样的话,你就去问他。”
6.The boy and the snails
A farmer's boy went looking for snails, and, when he had picked up both his hands full, he set about making a fire at which to roast them; for he meant to eat them. When it got well alight and the snails began to feel the heat, they gradually withdrew more and more into their shells with the hissing noise they always make when they do so. When the boy heard it, he said, "You abandoned creatures, how can you find heart to whistle when your houses are burning?"
男孩和蜗牛
一个乡下少年到处寻找蜗牛,当他双手都塞满了蜗牛后,就准备点火烤着吃。火点着了,蜗牛也开始感觉到热了,他们纷纷退向坚壳的深处,同时还发出“咝咝”的噪音。男孩子听到了蜗牛发出的嘘声,便说:“你们这些连命都快没有的家伙,怎么还能有心情在窝里着火时吹口哨呢?”
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1.A school report 学校成绩单
The father was reading the school report which had just been handed to him by his hopeful son. His brow was wrathful(愤怒的) as he read,
"English, poor. French, weak. mathematics, fair." and he gave a glance of disgust at the quaking lad(少年,小伙子).
"Well, Dad." said the son, "It is not as good as it might be, but have you seen that?" And he pointed to the next line which read, "health, excellent."
父亲在看他那满怀希望的儿子带回来的学校成绩单。他边看边露出愤怒的表情:
“英语,差;法语,差;数学,中。”他厌恶地瞥了在发抖的儿子一眼。
“爸爸,”儿子说,“可能成绩不够理想。但您看到那一项了吗?”他指了指下一行:“健康状况,优。”
2.Clever Bobby 聪明的博比
Brown was very proud of his young son. Once he was talking to a visitor, telling the man how clever his son was.
"The boy is only two years old," he said, "and knows all animals. He's going to be a great naturalist. Here, let me show you."
He took a book of natural history from the bookshelf, placed Bobby on his knee, opened the book and showed him a picture of a giraffe(长颈鹿).
"What's that, Bobby?"
"Horsey," said Bobby. Next of a tiger was shown, and Bobby said, "Pussy." Then Brown showed Bobby a picture of lion, and Bobby said, "Doggy." And when a picture of a chimpanzee was shown, Bobby said, "Daddy!"
布朗非常欣赏他的小儿子。一次他和一位客人聊他的儿子有多聪明。 布朗说:“他只有两岁,就认识所有的动物了。他长大一定会是一个出色的自然学家。来,我让你看看。”
他从书架上拿下一本自然书,把博比抱到膝上,打开书。指着一张长颈鹿的画片。
“博比,这是什么?” “马马,”博比回答。 他又指了一张老虎的画片,博比回答说:“猫咪。” 然后布朗又指了一张狮子的画片,博比说:“狗狗。” 他又指了一张黑猩猩的画片,博比说:“爸爸!”
3.Best Reward
A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.
"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I'd pulled you out, they'd chuck me in."
最好的奖赏
一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何才能酬谢他。
“最好的办法,长官,”这名水手说,“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您,他们会把我扔下去的。”
4.No Bottles Accepted After Five O'clock
One day neat closing time at 6:30, four young children arrived with bottles. Wanting to put a stop to this habit, I sternly2 asked each child if he was aware of the rules. Three shook their heads no, but the youngest said he knew. "Why then." I asked, "have you brought me these bottles?"
"I can't tell time yet." He said.
为了缓解购物高峰,我们这个小水果店为孩子们退饮料瓶做了如下规定:
五点钟以后不收瓶子
快到六点半下班的时候,四个孩子来退瓶子。为了制止他们的这个习惯,我故意很严肃的问每个孩子是否知道我们的规定。其中三个孩子都摇头表示不知道。只有那个最小的说他知道。“那你为什么还在这个时间来退瓶子呢?”我问他。
“我还不认识表呢!”他说。
5.Don't Argue with Children
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that a whale swallowed Jonah.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
不要和小孩争论
一个小女孩和她的老师正在谈论有关鲸鱼的事情。
她的老师说:“一头鲸鱼从身体构造的角度看,是不可能吞掉一个人的。因为尽管鲸鱼是一种非常巨大的哺乳动物,可它的嗓子非常小。”
那个小女孩说约拿(一位西伯来先知)就是被鲸鱼吞掉的。
她的老师非常生气,她再次告诉小女孩说:“从身体构造角度来讲,鲸鱼是不可能吞掉一个人的。”
那个小女孩说:“那等我到了天堂,就去问问约拿。”
她的老师问:“那么,假如约拿下了地狱怎么办?”
那个小女孩回答:“如果是那样的话,你就去问他。”
6.The boy and the snails
A farmer's boy went looking for snails, and, when he had picked up both his hands full, he set about making a fire at which to roast them; for he meant to eat them. When it got well alight and the snails began to feel the heat, they gradually withdrew more and more into their shells with the hissing noise they always make when they do so. When the boy heard it, he said, "You abandoned creatures, how can you find heart to whistle when your houses are burning?"
男孩和蜗牛
一个乡下少年到处寻找蜗牛,当他双手都塞满了蜗牛后,就准备点火烤着吃。火点着了,蜗牛也开始感觉到热了,他们纷纷退向坚壳的深处,同时还发出“咝咝”的噪音。男孩子听到了蜗牛发出的嘘声,便说:“你们这些连命都快没有的家伙,怎么还能有心情在窝里着火时吹口哨呢?”
7.All Right
Hurrying my 11-year old daughter to school, I made a right turn at a red light when it was prohibited. "Uh-oh," I said, realizing my mistake. "I just make an illegal turn."
"I guess it's all right." my daughter replied, "The police car behind us did the same thing."
没关系
我赶着开车将11岁的女儿送到学校去,在红灯处右拐了,而那是不允许的(译注:在一些国家如英国,其交通规则是车辆左行的,与我国相反)。“啊噢,”意识到犯了错误,我说。“我刚才拐弯是违章的。”
“我想那没关系的,”女儿回答说:“我们后面的警车也同样拐了弯。”
8.Be Careful What You Wish For
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.
慎重许愿
一对结婚25周年的夫妻在庆祝他们六十岁的生日。他们恰好在同一天出生。
庆祝活动中,一位仙女出现了。她说,由于他们是已经结婚25年的恩爱夫妻,因此她给许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望。
妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一声,她的手中出现了一张票。
接下来该丈夫许愿了。他犹豫片刻,害羞地说,“那我想要一位比我年轻30岁的女人。”
仙女拾起了魔术棒。“呯!”,他变成了90岁。
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学习英语,阅读真的很重要,多阅读一些简单的英语笑话也是提高英语阅读能力的一种,下面读文网小编在这里整理了一些英语笑话故事带翻译给大家,希望大家会喜欢这些英语笑话!
A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.
"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I'd pulled you out, they'd chuck me in."
最好的奖赏
一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何才能酬谢他。
“最好的办法,长官,”这名水手说,“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您,他们会把我扔下去的。”
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Selling secondhand books at our church bazaar, I got into an argument with a prospective customer. He was interested in buying The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but claimed it wasoverpriced at 35 cents. Other paperbacks were selling for ten or 15 cents each.
I pointed out that the book was in good condition. Nash was a fun poet, and it was for a good cause. He said it was a matter of principle. Ultimately, I agreed to sell him the book for 15 cents. Triumphant, he paid with a $10 bill. "Keep the change," he said.
在教堂的义卖市上卖旧书时,我与一名准备买东西的顾客发生了一场争论。他对购买袖珍奥金.纳什集颇感兴趣,但是说它要三十五美分开价过高。其它的平装书每本才卖十或十五美分。
我指出这本书保存状况颇好,纳什是个有趣的诗人,这个要价是合理的。他说这是个原则问题。最终,我同意以十五美分的价格将这本书卖给他。他得意洋洋,拿出一张十美元的票子付帐。“零钱不用找了。”他说。
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The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists: two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her."
The first man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent replies, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent replies, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."
美国中情局要召一个刺客的职位。在进行过所有背景调查、面谈和测试之后,最终剩下三名候选人,两个男人和一个女人。最后一轮测试,中情局官员把其中一个男人领到一扇大铁门前,然后给他一把枪。
“我们要了解你能够无条件地服从所有指令。在这扇门里有你老婆,你去把她干掉。”
这第一个男人说:“少开玩笑了!我绝对不可能会向我老婆开枪的。”
官员回答说:“那你就不适合这份工作。”
接着他们要求第二个男人做同样的事。他拿了枪走进房间,5分钟后哭着出来,说:“我试过了,但我不能杀死我的妻子。”
官员说:“你不具备这项工作要求的能力,带着你老婆回家吧。”
最后轮到了候选者中的女人。她被要求杀死自己的丈夫。她拿枪进入房间。接着,外面听到了两声枪响。然后是尖叫声、撞击声、和什么东西摔在墙上的声响。再几分钟,一切都安静了。门慢慢打开,那女人站在那里。她把袖子卷起来,说:“你们这些家伙怎么不告诉我枪里没装子弹啊?我最后还是用椅子把他打死的!”
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An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.
Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Your Loving Husband.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
一个伊利诺伊州男人离开他已经开始下雪的芝加哥的家、要去南方的福罗里达州度假。他的太太也正好在福罗里达出差,准备第二天跟他碰面。他到了酒店之后,打算先给她太太去一封邮件。
因为找不到写下他太太邮件地址的那张纸条,所以他决定凭记忆发出这封信。可惜,他在输入地址的时候漏掉了一个字母,因而把这封邮件发到了另一位夫人的邮箱,这位夫人的牧师丈夫头天才刚刚过世。这个悲伤的寡妇打开邮箱,读完信后哀嚎一声、倒在地板上就死了。
她的家人闻声赶来,发现电脑屏幕上留着这么一封信:
亲爱的老婆:
我刚刚住进来,一切都准备好了,就等你来。
你亲爱的老公。
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There was a little old lady who was nearly blind, and she had three sons who wanted to prove which one was the best to her.
Son 1 bought her a 15-room mansion, thinking this would surely be the best that any of them could offer her.
Son 2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included, thinking this would surely win her approval.
Son 3 had to do something even better, so he bought her a parrot that he had been training for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could ask the parrot any verse in the Bible, and he could quote it word for word. What a gift that would be.
Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous, but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's too large to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway." Then she confronted her second son with, "Son, the car is beautiful. It has everything you could ever want on it, but I don't drive and really don't like the chauffeur, so please return the car."
Next, she went to Son 3 and said, "Son, I just want to thank you for your most thoughtful gift. That chicken was delicious."
从前有一个近乎失明的小老太,她有三个儿子,每一个都想向母亲证明自己对她最好。
第一个儿子为她买下一栋有15个房间的大屋,他觉得这是对母亲最好的孝顺方式,其他兄弟都比不上。
二儿子为她买了一辆漂亮的奔驰,还配了个司机。他也觉得他一定会赢了。
老三为母亲买了一只鹦鹉。这只鹦鹉接受了15年的训练,能一字不落地背诵整部圣经,并且不论你问他什么,他都能从圣经里原句引出。
这位老太太对他的第一个儿子说:“孩子,你买的房子很棒。但是它太大了,我只能睡一间屋,还要花时间去 打理剩下的房间,谢谢你,但我实在不需要它。”接着她对二儿子说:“你的车也很好,再不能找到比那更棒的车了,但我不会开车,也不喜欢那个司机,所以你把它拿去推了吧!”
最后,她对她的小儿子说:“孩子,我要感谢你最棒的礼物!那只鸡实在是美味啊!”
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Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee. Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain.
The biggest turtle said to the smallest one, " Go home and get the umbrella."
The little turtle replied, "I will, if you don't drink my offee."
"We won't," the other two promised.
Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle, "Well, I guess he isn't coming back, so we might as well drink his coffee."
Just then a voice called from outside the door, "If you do, I won't go."
三只乌龟决定去喝咖啡。它们刚到咖啡店的门口,就下起雨来。于是最大的那只乌龟对最小的乌龟说,“回家去取伞吧。”
最小的乌龟说,“如果你们不把我的咖啡喝了,我就去。”
“我们不喝,”另外两只乌龟答应说。
两年后,大乌龟对中乌龟说,“好吧,我猜他肯定不回来了,我们可以把它的咖啡喝掉了。”
正在这时,一个声音从门外传来,“你们要是喝了,我就不去。”
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Very Pleased to Meet You
During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."
"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
"Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister."
"I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"
很高兴认识你
在第二次世界大战中,有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作,当然遇到了许多男士,包括军官和士兵。
一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说,“我明天就要出国,但如果我们能够相互写信,我会很高兴。”琼同意了,于是他们几个月里一直通着信。
后来,他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信,告诉她,他受伤了,住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。
琼到了医院,她对护士长说,“我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。”
“这里只有亲属可以探望病人。”护士长说。
“噢,是的,”琼说,“我是他的妹妹。”
“很高兴认识你,”护士长说,“我是他的母亲。”
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Very Pleased to Meet You
During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."
"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
"Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister."
"I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"
很高兴认识你
在第二次世界大战中,有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作,当然遇到了许多男士,包括军官和士兵。
一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说,“我明天就要出国,但如果我们能够相互写信,我会很高兴。”琼同意了,于是他们几个月里一直通着信。
后来,他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信,告诉她,他受伤了,住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。
琼到了医院,她对护士长说,“我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。”
“这里只有亲属可以探望病人。”护士长说。
“噢,是的,”琼说,“我是他的妹妹。”
“很高兴认识你,”护士长说,“我是他的母亲。”
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Jack Hawkins was the football coach at an Amercian college, and he was always trying to find good players, but they weren‘t always smart enought to be accepted by the college.
One day the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the college and asked that the student be allowed to enter without an examination. "Well," the dean said after some persuasion, "I‘d better ask him a few questions first."
Then he turned to the student and asked him some very easy questions, but the student didn‘t know any of the answers.
At last the dean said, "Well, what‘s five times seven?"
The student thought for a long time and then answered, "Thirty-six."
The dean threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair, but the coach said earnestly, "Oh, please let him in, sir! He was only wrong by two."
杰克霍金斯是美国一所学院的橄榄球队教练,他竭力想物色好球员。但是好球员学业不行,院方不愿录取。
有一天,教练带着一位优秀的年轻球员去见院长,希望院方同意他免试入学。经过一番劝说后院长说:“那我最好先问问他几个问题。”
然后他转向学生,问了几个非常简单的问题。可是那个学生一个也答不上来。
最后院长说:“那么,五乘七得多少?”
学生想了很久,然后回答说:“三十六。”
院长摊开双手失望地看了看教练。可是教练认真地说,“噢,录取他吧,先生。他的答案只比正确答案多二。”
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A Probllem in Arithmetic
算数问题
Bill is a good student and an intelligent boy. He likesto study arithmetic, and he can do all of thearithmetic problems in his book easily.
比尔是一个好学生,也是个聪明的孩子。他喜欢学算数,课本上所有的算术题他都能轻而易举地做出来。
One day on his way to school Bill passed a fruitstore. There was a sign in the window which said, "Apple-Six for five cents." An idea came to Bill and hewent into the store.
有一天,比尔去上学,路上经过一家水果店。店的窗户上有个招牌写着:“苹果——六个五分钱。”比尔冒出个想法,走进店去。
"How much are the apples?" he asked the store.
“苹果多少钱?”他问店里。
"Six for five cents."
“六个五分钱。”
"But I don’t want six apples."
“可我不想要六个。”
"How many apples do you want?"
“你想要几个?”
"It is not a question of how many apples I want. It is a problem in arithmetic."
“这不是我想要几个的问题,这是个数学问题。”
"What do you mean by a problem in arithmetic?" asked the man.
“数学问题,你什么意思啊?”那人问。
"Well, if six apples are wroth five cents, then five apples are worth four cents, four apples areworth three cents, three apples are worth rwo cents, two apples are worth one cent and oneapple is worth nothing. I only want one apple, and if one apple is worth nothing then it is notnecessary for me to pay you."
“你看,要是六个苹果值五分钱,那五个苹果就值四分钱,四个苹果就值三分钱,三个苹果就值两分钱,两个苹果就值一分钱,而一个苹果就不值钱。我只要一个苹果,要是一个苹果不值钱,那我就不用给你钱了。”
Bill picked out a good apple, began to eat it, and walked happily out of the store. The manlooked at the young boy with such surprise that he could not say a word.
比尔挑出一个漂亮的苹果,张口就咬,然后高高兴兴地走出店去。那人目瞪口呆地瞧着这小男孩,一句话也说不出来。
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A Girl Not Included
女孩不包括在内
Tom saw an advertisement in a newspaper for abeautiful, modern bicycle which cost £54.99, so hewent to the shop which had put the advertisement inand asked to see one of their wonderful bicycles.
汤姆在报纸上看到一则广告,一种既漂亮又现代的自行车,卖54.99英镑。于是,他就去做广告的那家商店,问能否看一下那些超凡的自行车。
The shopkeeper was very happy to show one toTom, who examined carefully and said, "There isn't alamp on this bicycle, but there was one on the bicycle in your advertisement."
店主很高兴地给汤姆看了一辆,汤姆仔细地检查了一下,对店主说:“这辆车没有车灯,可是你们广告上有车灯。”
"Yes, sir," answered the shopkeeper, "but the lamp isn't included in the price of the bicycle. It'san extra."
“是的,先生。”店主回答,“可是车灯不包括在自行车的价钱里。那是另外算钱的。”
"Not included in the price of the bicycle?" Tom said angrily. "But that's not honest. If the lamp isin the advertisement, it should have been included in the price you gave there."
“不包括在车子的价钱里?”汤姆生气地问,“真是骗人。如果广告上有车灯,那么就应该包括在价钱里。”
"Well, sir," answered the shopkeeper calmly, "there is a girl on the bicycle in our advertisement,but we don't supply one of them with the bicycle either."
“哦,先生。”店主平静地回答,“我们的广告里,车子上还有个女孩,可是我们也不提供女孩啊!”
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下面是读文网小编整理的英语笑话故事4篇,欢迎大家阅读!
Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." How much do you charge?" A hundred dollars per visit." I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" Ain't nobody under there now!!!
杰瑞去看精神病医生。“医生,我有些不对劲。每次睡觉的时候,我都感觉有人在床下。我要疯了!”“给我一年时间,”医生说,“每周来三次,我会治好你。”“费用是多少呢?”“每次一百美元。”“我会认真考虑的。”杰瑞答道。六个月后医生和杰瑞在街上相遇了,“为什么你再也没来呢?”医生问。“一次一百块钱吗?有个酒吧服务生收了十块钱就把我治好了。”“真的?他怎么做到的?”“他让我把床腿锯掉。现在那没人了!”
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学习英语,阅读真的很重要,多阅读一些简单的英语笑话也是提高英语阅读能力的一种,下面读文网小编在这里整理了一些经典英语搞笑笑话大家,希望大家会喜欢这些英语笑话!
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges,delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of yellow paper?"
我在惠普公司打印机部做技术支持工作已经有一个月了,有一天我接到一位客户的电话,她的问题我没办法解决。她的问题是:打印机不能打出来黄色,但是其它颜色都正常。这让我觉得很纳闷,因为三原色就是蓝、红、黄。我建议客户更换墨盒、删了驱动程序然后重新安装,但是都没有效果。我咨询同事们,他们也不知道该怎么办。经过两个多小时的交涉,我打算让客户把打印机寄给我们,这时候她平静地说了一句:“我是不是应该把这张黄纸扔了换一张白纸再打印试试。”
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从古到今,笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”。笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松,在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。下面读文网小编为大家带来英语笑话小故事,欢迎大家阅读!
A newly married woman was sitting on a chair,
looking vexed, when her husband came home.
"What's up? Why do you look so troubled?"
the husband asked. The woman replied,
"I'm so sorry. I was ironing your new suit and
burned a hole in your trousers." And the man said,
"That's all right. I have another pair that is exactly the same."
"Thank God you do. I used it to mend this pair,"
the wife responded.
有一个刚结婚的太太,坐在椅子那边,看起来很懊恼,她先生回家看到她这个样子,就问:‘嗨,你怎么啦?为什么看起来这么懊恼呢?’
太太说:‘很抱歉,你那件新做的西装裤被我烫坏了,烫成一个洞了。’
他先生说:‘啊!那个没关系啦!我还有另外一件一样的裤子。’
她说:‘是啊,还好我把那件新的拿出来补那件被我烫坏的。’
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英语少儿故事是英语教学中很好的教学材料,下面读文网小编为大家带来小学英语教学小故事,欢迎大家阅读!
It looked like rain. The sky was gray. It was almost noon, but the sun was hidden by a gray blanket. It was cool. There were no birds flying anywhere. A couple of birds sat on the telephone wire. Bob was standing outside talking to Bill. They both had their hands in their pockets. They knew that it was probably going to rain shortly. A sudden breeze blew some leaves off a tree onto the sidewalk.
A young woman wearing a dark blue coat and jeans walked by. She was walking a small dog. It was pure white, and pretty. It sniffed at a tree trunk. The woman waited patiently. Finally, the dog lifted its leg.
Bob said that he liked the rain. It was a nice change from the usual hot Los Angeles weather. And the plants could always use the extra water. Bill said the only thing he didn’t like about rain was that all the motor oil on the streets would get washed into the ocean, and so would all the trash.
"But that never stops the surfers," Bob said. "They don’t seem to care what’s in the water, as long as there are waves to surf on."
小学英语教学故事相关
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