为您找到与笑话大全英语相关的共200个结果:
1.英语单词成千上万,但只有“bookkeeper”(记账人)是具有连续3个双字母排列的单词。
2.英语中有6个元音字母a.e.i.o.u.y(半元音),但“defenselessness”(无防备)和“respectlessness”(不尊重)却是最长的只含有一个元音字母的两个单词,那就是元音字母e,并且这两个单词都有15个字母。
3.“almost”(几乎)是唯一一个几个字母按字母表顺序排列的常用单词。
4.“honorificabilitudinitatibus”是最长的按一个辅音字母跟一个元音字母的顺序排列的单词,共有27个字母。这个单词出现在大文豪莎士比亚的剧本《空爱一场》里,意思是“不胜光荣”。
5.在牛津音域大词典中,“antidisestablishmentarianism”反对教会与国家分开学说)曾经本认为是最长的单词,但被译为“硅酸盐沉着病”的医学术语"pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis"现在则被认为是最长的单词,到底有多少个字母,自己数一数吧,只是读起来会很费劲。
6.在英语中,只有一个普通单词的5个元音字母排在一起,它就是“queueing”(排队)。
7.据说,“The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick.”(第六个患病的酋长的第六只羊患病了。)是英语中最难发音的绕口令。
8.“stewardesses”(女乘务员)是最长的只用左手就能在电脑键盘上打出来的单词。
9.“therein”(在那里)只有7个字母,但却能在不改变字母顺序的情况下拆出另外12个单词来,它们分别是:the,he,her,er,here,i,there,ere,rein,re,in和herein。
10.用英语从1数到999也见不到字母a,只有到了1000(one thousand)才出现a的影子
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Student A: When do people talk least?
Student B: In February.
Student A: Why?
Student B: Because February is the shortest month of a year.
人们什么时候说话最少?
学生甲:人们在什么时候说话最少?
学生乙:在二月。
学生甲:为什么呢?
学生乙:因为二月是一年中最短的一个月。
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1.A school report 学校成绩单
The father was reading the school report which had just been handed to him by his hopeful son. His brow was wrathful(愤怒的) as he read,
"English, poor. French, weak. mathematics, fair." and he gave a glance of disgust at the quaking lad(少年,小伙子).
"Well, Dad." said the son, "It is not as good as it might be, but have you seen that?" And he pointed to the next line which read, "health, excellent."
父亲在看他那满怀希望的儿子带回来的学校成绩单。他边看边露出愤怒的表情:
“英语,差;法语,差;数学,中。”他厌恶地瞥了在发抖的儿子一眼。
“爸爸,”儿子说,“可能成绩不够理想。但您看到那一项了吗?”他指了指下一行:“健康状况,优。”
2.Clever Bobby 聪明的博比
Brown was very proud of his young son. Once he was talking to a visitor, telling the man how clever his son was.
"The boy is only two years old," he said, "and knows all animals. He's going to be a great naturalist. Here, let me show you."
He took a book of natural history from the bookshelf, placed Bobby on his knee, opened the book and showed him a picture of a giraffe(长颈鹿).
"What's that, Bobby?"
"Horsey," said Bobby. Next of a tiger was shown, and Bobby said, "Pussy." Then Brown showed Bobby a picture of lion, and Bobby said, "Doggy." And when a picture of a chimpanzee was shown, Bobby said, "Daddy!"
布朗非常欣赏他的小儿子。一次他和一位客人聊他的儿子有多聪明。 布朗说:“他只有两岁,就认识所有的动物了。他长大一定会是一个出色的自然学家。来,我让你看看。”
他从书架上拿下一本自然书,把博比抱到膝上,打开书。指着一张长颈鹿的画片。
“博比,这是什么?” “马马,”博比回答。 他又指了一张老虎的画片,博比回答说:“猫咪。” 然后布朗又指了一张狮子的画片,博比说:“狗狗。” 他又指了一张黑猩猩的画片,博比说:“爸爸!”
3.Best Reward
A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.
"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I'd pulled you out, they'd chuck me in."
最好的奖赏
一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何才能酬谢他。
“最好的办法,长官,”这名水手说,“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您,他们会把我扔下去的。”
4.No Bottles Accepted After Five O'clock
One day neat closing time at 6:30, four young children arrived with bottles. Wanting to put a stop to this habit, I sternly2 asked each child if he was aware of the rules. Three shook their heads no, but the youngest said he knew. "Why then." I asked, "have you brought me these bottles?"
"I can't tell time yet." He said.
为了缓解购物高峰,我们这个小水果店为孩子们退饮料瓶做了如下规定:
五点钟以后不收瓶子
快到六点半下班的时候,四个孩子来退瓶子。为了制止他们的这个习惯,我故意很严肃的问每个孩子是否知道我们的规定。其中三个孩子都摇头表示不知道。只有那个最小的说他知道。“那你为什么还在这个时间来退瓶子呢?”我问他。
“我还不认识表呢!”他说。
5.Don't Argue with Children
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that a whale swallowed Jonah.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
不要和小孩争论
一个小女孩和她的老师正在谈论有关鲸鱼的事情。
她的老师说:“一头鲸鱼从身体构造的角度看,是不可能吞掉一个人的。因为尽管鲸鱼是一种非常巨大的哺乳动物,可它的嗓子非常小。”
那个小女孩说约拿(一位西伯来先知)就是被鲸鱼吞掉的。
她的老师非常生气,她再次告诉小女孩说:“从身体构造角度来讲,鲸鱼是不可能吞掉一个人的。”
那个小女孩说:“那等我到了天堂,就去问问约拿。”
她的老师问:“那么,假如约拿下了地狱怎么办?”
那个小女孩回答:“如果是那样的话,你就去问他。”
6.The boy and the snails
A farmer's boy went looking for snails, and, when he had picked up both his hands full, he set about making a fire at which to roast them; for he meant to eat them. When it got well alight and the snails began to feel the heat, they gradually withdrew more and more into their shells with the hissing noise they always make when they do so. When the boy heard it, he said, "You abandoned creatures, how can you find heart to whistle when your houses are burning?"
男孩和蜗牛
一个乡下少年到处寻找蜗牛,当他双手都塞满了蜗牛后,就准备点火烤着吃。火点着了,蜗牛也开始感觉到热了,他们纷纷退向坚壳的深处,同时还发出“咝咝”的噪音。男孩子听到了蜗牛发出的嘘声,便说:“你们这些连命都快没有的家伙,怎么还能有心情在窝里着火时吹口哨呢?”
7.All Right
Hurrying my 11-year old daughter to school, I made a right turn at a red light when it was prohibited. "Uh-oh," I said, realizing my mistake. "I just make an illegal turn."
"I guess it's all right." my daughter replied, "The police car behind us did the same thing."
没关系
我赶着开车将11岁的女儿送到学校去,在红灯处右拐了,而那是不允许的(译注:在一些国家如英国,其交通规则是车辆左行的,与我国相反)。“啊噢,”意识到犯了错误,我说。“我刚才拐弯是违章的。”
“我想那没关系的,”女儿回答说:“我们后面的警车也同样拐了弯。”
8.Be Careful What You Wish For
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.
慎重许愿
一对结婚25周年的夫妻在庆祝他们六十岁的生日。他们恰好在同一天出生。
庆祝活动中,一位仙女出现了。她说,由于他们是已经结婚25年的恩爱夫妻,因此她给许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望。
妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一声,她的手中出现了一张票。
接下来该丈夫许愿了。他犹豫片刻,害羞地说,“那我想要一位比我年轻30岁的女人。”
仙女拾起了魔术棒。“呯!”,他变成了90岁。
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Good News And Bad News(英汉对照)
"There's good news and bad news," the divorce lawyer told his client.
"I could sure use some good news," sighed the client. "What's it?"
"Your wife isn't demanding that your future inheritances be included in the settlement."
"And the bad news?"
"After the divorce, she's marrying your father."
好消息和坏消息
“有好消息,也有坏消息,”离婚律师告诉他的当事人。
“我总能利用一些好消息吧,”当事人吧了口气说,“是什么好消息?”
“你妻子没有要求将你未来的继承财产也划入裁决的范围。”
“那么坏消息呢?”
“离婚以后,她将与你父亲结婚。”
On our way to a wedding in Vermont, my husband and I realized we had forgotten our camera. We stopped at a general store and, hoping to purchase a cheap, disposable model. Sal asked the owner, "Do you have any of those throwaway cameras?"
"Look, fella," replied the owner, "I don't care what you do with it after you buy it."
照 相 机
在前往威蒙特参加一个婚礼的路上,我和丈夫意识到我们忘了带照相机。我们在一家百货商店门前停了下来,希望能够买到一种便宜的,一次性照相机。萨尔问店主:“你们有那种用了就扔的照相机吗?”
“我说,小伙子,”店主回答说,“我可不管你买了之后怎么处理它。”
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A farmer's boy went looking for snails, and, when he had picked up both his hands full, he set about making a fire at which to roast them; for he meant to eat them. When it got well alight and the snails began to feel the heat, they gradually withdrew more and more into their shells with the hissing noise they always make when they do so. When the boy heard it, he said, "You abandoned creatures, how can you find heart to whistle when your houses are burning?"
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下面几篇有趣的笑话,让人忍俊不禁。不妨讲给你的朋友们听,让他们也分享这小小的快乐,且又锻炼了英语表达能力,可谓一举多得。
On a trip to Disney once we were.
World in Florida, my husband and I and our two children devoted ourselves wholeheartedly to the wonders of this attraction. After three exhausting days, we
headed for home.
As we drove away, our son waved and said, “Good-bye, Mickey.”
Our daughter waved and said, “Good-bye, Minnie.”
My husband waved, rather weakly, and said, “Good-bye, Money.”
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A man was telling one of his friends the secret of his contented married life, "My wife makes all the small decisions," he explained, "and I make all the big ones, so we never interfere in each other's business and never get annoyed with each other. We have no complaints and no arguments."
"That sounds reasonable," answered his friend sympathetically. "And what sort of decisions does your wife make?"
"Well," answered the man, "she decides what jobs I apply for, what sort of house we live in, what furniture we have, where we go for our holidays, and things like that."
His friend was surprised. "Oh?" he said. "And what do you consider important decisions then?"
"Well," answered the man, "I decide who should be Prime Minister, whether we should increase our help to poor countries, what we should do about the atom bomb, and things like that."
一个男人告诉他的朋友自己婚姻幸福美满的秘密,“小事都由我妻子决定,”他解释说:“而我只管大事,我们从不互相干涉,从不生对方的气。我们从来没有抱怨、没有争吵。”
“听起来很有道理,”他的朋友深有同感,“有哪些事情由你妻子作决定呢?”
“嗯,”那个人回答说:“她决定我申请什么工作,我们住什么房子,买什么家具,去哪里度假这些事情。”
他的朋友很惊奇的问道:“哦?那么你决定哪些重要事情?”
“嗯,”他回答:“我决定谁来当首相,我们是否要增加对贫困国家的援助,怎么处理原子弹等等这些问题。”
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At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.
在一场世界最佳击剑手表演中,排名第三的击剑手上场了。一只苍蝇放了出来,剑划了一个弧,他将苍蝇劈成了两半。观众欢呼起来。紧接着排名第二的人将一只苍蝇切成了四半。现场一阵沉默,人们期盼着世界上最伟大的击剑手出场。
His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.
他的剑锋以一个巨大的弧线划了下来--然而那只昆虫还在继续飞行!观众被惊呆了。最伟大的击剑手完全错过了他的目标,然而他还在微笑着。
Why are you so happy? someone yelled. You missed!
你为什么这么高兴?有人嚷道,你没击中!
Ah, replied the swordsman, you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father.
啊,剑手答道,你刚才没有很仔细地看。苍蝇还活着,是的--但他永远也做不成爸爸了。
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A small boy and his father were having a walk in the country when it suddenly began to rain very hard. They did not have their umbrella with them, and there was nowhere to hide from the rain, so they were soon very wet, and the small boy did not feel very happy.
一个小男孩和他的父亲正在乡间行走,突然下起了大雨。他们没带伞,加上四下无处可以躲雨,所以很快他们浑身上下被淋湿了,小男孩感到很不好受。
For a long time while they were walking home through the rain, the boy was thinking. Then at last he turned to his father and said to him, Why does it rain, Father? It isn't very nice, is it?
他们在雨中朝家走去,有好一会儿,那个男孩一直在思索着什么。后来终于他朝父亲转过脸去,问他说:爸爸,为什么天会下雨呢?下雨可不太好,是吧?
No, it isn't very nice, but it's very useful, Tom, answered his father. It rains to make the fruit and the vegetables grow for us, and to make the grass grow for the cows and sheep.
是呀,下雨是不太好,可是下雨也有很多有益的地方,汤姆。父亲回答说。老天爷下雨促使了为我们所食用的水果和蔬菜的生长,同样也促使牛羊所吃的青草的生长。
Tom thought about this for a few seconds, and then he said, Then, why does it rain on the road too, Father?
汤姆对父亲的这番话想了一会,然后说:那么,父亲,老天爷为什么还要把雨下在路上呢?
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Simon was an inveterate fisherman, well known for exaggerating the size of the one that got away. But there came a day when he actually caught two enormous flounders. He immediately invited a few friends over to dine, then tried to figure out how best to serve the fish. If I use both, he told his wife, it will seem ostentatious.
西蒙是个老练的渔夫。人们都熟知他爱吹嘘跑掉的那条鱼的尺寸。但有一天他确实抓了两条极大的比目鱼。他立刻邀请几个朋友过来吃饭,然后着力搞清楚怎样上鱼。如果两条一起上,他对妻子说,好像有点炫耀之嫌了。
Why not serve a piece of each? she suggested.
何不两条鱼各上一块呢?他妻子建议道。
No, if I cut them up, nobody will believe I caught two giant flounders. Simon racked his brain. Then he had an idea.
不行,如果把两条鱼都切碎了,就不会有人相信我抓了两条大比目鱼了。西蒙绞尽了脑汁,终于想出了一个好办法。
The guests were seated at the table when their host strode in with a platter, holding the biggest flounder they'd ever seen. Suddenly Simon stumbled and fell. Everyone cried out in dismay as the fish crashed to the floor, but Simon quickly brushed himself off.
客人已在餐桌边就座完毕,这时主人大步地走进来,手里端着一个托盘,托盘上是一个他们所见过的最大的比目鱼。突然西蒙被什么东西绊了一下摔倒了。所有的人都惊慌地叫了起来,因为鱼在地板上摔得粉碎。但是西蒙迅速地摆脱了窘境。
Dear, he called out to his wife, bring in the other flounder!
亲爱的,他对妻子喊道,把另一条鱼端上来!
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A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
一个家伙正在看报纸,他的妻子走到他身后,用一只煎锅敲他的后脑勺。
He asks, What was that for?
他问道:这是为什么?
She says, I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it.
她说:我在你口袋里发现了一张写有‘Betty Sue’的纸条。
He says, Jeez, honey, 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I bet on. She shrugs and walks away.
他说:哎呀,亲爱的,‘Betty Sue’是我赌的那匹马的名字。
Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
她耸了耸肩,走了。 三天后他正在看报纸,妻子走到他身后,又用一只煎锅敲他的后脑勺。
He asks, What was that for?
他问:这又是为什么?
She answers, Your horse called.
她答道:你的马打电话来了。
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A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves.
″Cloth or leather﹖″ asked the salesperson.
″Makes no difference? ″replied customer.
″What color﹖″ asked the clerk.
一位先生走进一家商店要买副手套。
“您是要布的还是皮的?”售货员问。
“没什么区别。”这位顾客回答。
“那您要什么颜色的呢?”售货员又问。
″Any?″ he responded.
″Size﹖″
″Give me whatever you prefer?″ the gentleman said? slightly exasperated. ″My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them.″
“什么颜色都成。”他回答。
“号码呢?”
“您就随便给我拿一副吧,”这位顾客有点不耐烦了,“反正我太太明天都会来换的。”
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An old couple went into a restaurant and ordered something to eat: one Coca Cola and one portion of French fries. The old man sat down and the woman, his wife, sat opposite him, and he began to divide the Coca Cola into two glasses, half for him and half for his wife.
有一对老夫妇到速食店去,叫了一罐可乐和一份薯条。然后他们面对面坐下来,那位老先生先把可乐分成两杯,一杯给他自己,另一杯给他太太。
He divided all the French fries half-and-half. He gave half to his wife and kept half for himself. Then he began to eat and drink,and the woman just drank but didn't eat.
接着他又将薯条分成两份,一份给他太太、一份给自己。然后他开始吃薯条、喝可乐,但是他的太太只是喝可乐,不吃薯条。
There was a young man who was standing next to the table and wondering why the old man had divided everything in half, and he thought that maybe they didn't have any money. He said to the old couple, "Okay, I can buy you one more portion; you don't have to share like that."
一个年轻人刚好站在旁边,看到老先生把每样食物都分成两半,觉得很奇怪,他想或许他们没有钱,便跟老夫妇说:‘我可以再买一份给你们,你们就不用这样分了。’
So the old man explained, "No, no, no, we have been married for forty years and we always share everything. Whatever we have, we share half and half. Don't worry, but thank you, anyhow."
老先生解释说:‘不、不!我们结婚四十年了,一直都是分享每件事物,什么东西都是一个人分一半。不用担心我们,不过还是谢谢你的好意。
But then after a while, he saw that the woman wasn't eating eat, and only the man ate, and he asked, "Why aren't you eating?" And the wife said, "Today it's his turn to use the teeth."
过了一会儿,他看只有老先生吃着薯条,老太太没吃,便问老太太:‘你为什么都不吃呢?’老太太说:‘今天轮到他用牙齿。’
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A peddler sold earthen basins in the wayside, he chanted as knocked:" Earthen basin is round, beautiful and solid, judging by the sound, they are all good." At the time of his knocking, that earthen basin was broken into pieces with a crack.
一个小贩在路边卖瓦盆,他一边敲一边唱:“瓦盆圆又圆,结实又好看,光听这声音,就知不一般。”敲着敲着,“啪啦”一声,把盆敲烂了。
Lookers-on burst into the roars of laughter. He threw the fragments without extra trouble into paddy fiel(稻田) , but an experienced peasant from the crowd did not let him off easily:" How the deuce can you throw them into my field? They'll impede(阻碍) my growing crops!"
围观的人一阵哄笑。他顺手把碎片扔进了稻田里,谁知人群中一个老农不干了:“你怎么能往我地里扔?这不影响我种田吗?”
The peddler who sold earthen basins tried to explain it away promptly:" Nothing, the fragments will be converted into powder as soon as they absorbed water ."
卖瓦盆的小贩连忙辩解:“不要紧,瓦片见水一会儿就粉了。”
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Bogota, Colombia - Police in the northeastern Colombian city of Arauca said Tuesday that they had detained a donkey named Pacho after a motorcyclist crashed into the animal and suffered serious injuries. "When there are road accidents and serious injuries, the vehicles involved are always impounded," said Diana Rojas, spokeswoman for the Arauca city police department. "We had to impound both the donkey and the motorcycle and put them at the disposal of investigators so they can decide what to do with them and whether to release them," she said.
哥伦比亚首都波哥大市:周二,哥伦比亚东北部阿劳卡市的警方说,一个骑摩托车的人撞上了一头驴子而且受了重伤,他们已拘留了这头名叫帕奇欧的驴子。“当发生交通事故并有人受重伤时,事故所涉及车辆都要被扣留,”阿劳卡市警方的女发言人狄阿娜-罗哈斯说道,“我们不得不把驴子和摩托车都扣了,将它们交给调查人员处理,以便他们可以决定如何处置以及是否释放它们。”
Pacho’s owner, Nelson Gonz lez, said no one should blame the donkey for Sunday’s crash. "Neither the donkey nor I were responsible because I was in front and the motorcyclist saw me," Gonzalez told RCN television.
帕奇欧的主人纳尔逊-岗萨雷兹说,不该把上周日发生的碰撞事故归咎于那头驴子。“驴子和我都没有责任,因为我当时是在前面,摩托车手看见我了。”岗萨雷兹对RCN电视台的记者说。
The motorcyclist remained in the hospital on Tuesday. The donkey, whose legs were hurt in the crash, is being held at a pound in Arauca till the investigation is concluded.
摩托车手周二时还在医院里,而那头驴子的腿在事故中也受了伤,目前它被关在阿劳卡市的动物待领所,直到调查结束它才能被放出来。
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英语笑话是指以一句英文短语或一个英文故事让说话者和听者之间觉得好笑,或是产生幽默感,笑话是一种经过艺术加工的语言形式,是艺术化的语言。下面是读文网小编整理的英语笑话大全,欢迎大家阅读!
George comes from school on the first of September.
George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.
I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too.....
新老师
9月1日, 乔治放学回到家里。
乔治,你喜欢你们的新老师吗? 妈妈问。
妈妈,我不喜欢,因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。
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下面是读文网小编整理的英语笑话大全,欢迎大家阅读!
Our physics professor was struggling to draw the class into discussion of Archimede's principle of water displacement. He told us that Archimede noticed that when he got into a pool at the public bathhouse, the water rose spilling over the edge. Excited at his discovery, he ran down the street yelling, "Eureka, eureka!" The instructor asked if anyone knew what that meant.
One student stood up and answered, "I'm naked ! I'm naked!"
我们的物理教授千方百计引导我们讨论阿基米德的排水原理。他告诉我们阿基米德去公共浴池洗澡,他进入池子,发现水涨高了,溢出池沿。他对这一发现十分激动,跑到街上高叫:“Eureka,Eureka!”教授问我们谁知道他喊的是什么意思。
一个学生站起来答道:“我光屁股啦,我光屁股啦!”
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下面是读文网小编整理的英语笑话五篇,欢迎大家阅读!
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.""Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
和盲约对象呆了一晚上后,男人再也受不了了。他事先安排了个朋友给他打电话,这样他就能借故先离开了。当他回到桌边,他垂下眼睛,装出一副阴沉的表情,说:“有个不幸的消息,我的祖父刚刚去世了。”“谢天谢地!”他的约会对象说,“如果你的祖父不死,我的祖父就得死了!”
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