为您找到与幽默搞笑英语相关的共200个结果:
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
胶水为啥就不会粘在胶水瓶里面啊?
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement。
如果放在家里的东西找不回来,最容易的办法就是去买个新的回来。
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes。
自从我听说“人还是死于天然原因者居多”之后,我就再也不敢拼命吃天然食品了。
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
不慎的时候只要一根火柴就足以引发森林大火,而想点燃一堆篝火却需要整整一盒火柴,真纳闷。
园艺定律:区分益草和害草的办法是,拔出来试试——如果很容易拔掉,就证明它是益草。
Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing aweed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant。
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多阅读一些有趣的英语对话,能激起我们阅读英语的兴趣,从而提高英语的阅读能力,今天读文网小编在这里为大家分享一些两人英语搞笑对话,欢迎大家阅读!
I Have His Ear in My Pocket 他的耳朵在我衣兜里
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问,“发生了什么事?”
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
“一个男孩咬了我一口,”伊凡说。
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
“他走到哪里我都能认出他,”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
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学习英语,阅读真的很重要,多阅读一些简单的英语笑话也是提高英语阅读能力的一种,下面读文网小编在这里整理了一些经典英语搞笑笑话大家,希望大家会喜欢这些英语笑话!
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges,delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of yellow paper?"
我在惠普公司打印机部做技术支持工作已经有一个月了,有一天我接到一位客户的电话,她的问题我没办法解决。她的问题是:打印机不能打出来黄色,但是其它颜色都正常。这让我觉得很纳闷,因为三原色就是蓝、红、黄。我建议客户更换墨盒、删了驱动程序然后重新安装,但是都没有效果。我咨询同事们,他们也不知道该怎么办。经过两个多小时的交涉,我打算让客户把打印机寄给我们,这时候她平静地说了一句:“我是不是应该把这张黄纸扔了换一张白纸再打印试试。”
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一些幽默的英语笑话,能提高我们阅读英语的兴趣,从而提高英语的阅读能力,今天读文网小编在这里为大家分享英语幽默冷笑话12篇,希望大家喜欢这些英语笑话!
Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft(阁楼) and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away.
Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry(钟楼) and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated(熏制) , and they still won’t go away.
The third said, I baptized(洗礼) all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen one back since!
三个南部的牧师在一家小餐馆里吃午饭。其中的一个说道:“你们知道吗,自从夏天来临,我的教堂的阁楼和顶楼就被蝙蝠骚扰,我用尽了一切办法----噪音、喷雾、猫----似乎什么都不能把它们赶走。”
另外一位说:“是啊,我也是。在我的钟楼和阁楼也有好几百只。我曾经请人把整个地方用烟熏消毒一遍,它们还是赶不走。”
第三个牧师说:“我为我那里的所有蝙蝠洗礼,让它们成为教会的一员......从此一只也没有再回来过。”
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一些幽默的英语对话,能提高我们阅读英语的兴趣,从而提高英语的阅读能力,今天读文网小编在这里为大家分享一些两人英语幽默对话,希望大家会细化你这些幽默英语。
I Wasn't Asleep
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"
"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.
"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
我没有睡着
当一群妇女上车之后,车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了,他担心这个人会坐过站,就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他,说:“先生,醒醒!”
“我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。
“没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀?”
“我知道,我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”
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多阅读一些有趣的英语笑话,能激起我们阅读英语的兴趣,从而提高英语的阅读能力,今天读文网小编在这里为大家分享英语搞笑笑话10篇,欢迎大家阅读!
The ability of the Kangaroo
The zoo built a special eight-foot-high enclosure for its newly acquired kangaroo, but the next morning the animal was found hopping around outside. The height of the fence was increased to 15 feet, but the kangaroo got out again. Exasperated, the zoo director had the height increased to 30 feet, but the kangaroo still escaped. A giraffe asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll build the fence?" "I don't know, " said the kangaroo. "Maybe a thousand feet if they keep leaving the gate unlocked.
袋鼠的能力
动物园为刚引进的袋鼠建了一个特殊的八英尺高的围墙。但是第二天早上,人们发现这动物在围墙外面蹦跳着。于是围墙高度增加到十五英尺,但袋鼠还是跑了出来。动物园经理甚感恼火,又叫人把围墙高度加到三十英尺,但袋鼠还是逃了出来。一个长颈鹿问袋鼠:“你认为他们会把围墙建到多高?” “我不知道,”袋鼠说,“如果他们继续开着大门,可能要修到一千英尺吧。”
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从古到今,笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”。笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松,在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。下面读文网小编为大家带来搞笑幽默英语笑话带翻译,欢迎大家阅读!
When George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks.
George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane. Mark thought, "I've travelled in a big plane several times, but I've never been in a small one, so I'll go."
They went up, and George flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air.
When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, "Well, George, thank you very much for those two trips in your plane."
Gerogy was very surprised and said, "Two trips?"
"Yes, my first and my last," answered Mark.
乔治35岁时买了架小型飞机,并开始学习驾驶。不久,他就能很娴熟地驾机做各种各样的特技飞行了。
乔治有个朋友名叫马克。一天,乔治主动邀请马克乘他的飞机上天兜一圈。马克心想,“我乘大客机飞行过好几次,还从来没有乘过小飞机,我不妨试一试。”
升空后,乔治飞了有半个小时,在空中做了各种各样的飞行特技。
后来他们着陆了。马克很高兴能够安全返回地面。他用颤抖的声音对他的朋友说:“乔治,非常感谢你让我乘小飞机做了两次飞行。”
乔治非常吃惊地问:“两次飞行?”
“是的,我的第一次和最后一次。”马克答道。
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从古到今,笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”。笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松,在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。下面读文网小编为大家带来搞笑幽默英语小故事,欢迎大家阅读!
A cop pulled a car over on the highway for speeding.
警察在高速上拦下一辆超速的车。
When he asked for the driver's license, the driver argued, "Speeding? But officer, I was only trying to keep a safe distance between my car and the car in back of me."
当他要驾驶员的驾照时,驾驶员辩称,“超速,但是警官,我刚才只是想和我后边的车保持安全距离。”
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从古到今,笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”。笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松,在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。下面读文网小编为大家带来搞笑幽默英语笑话精选,欢迎大家阅读!
Talking on the Telephone
Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story. Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.
"You talk to people on the telephone and don't see them on the other end of the line, right?" he began. The children nodded yes. "Well, talking to God is
like talking on the telephone. He's on the other end, but you can't see him. He is listening though."
Just then a little boy piped up and asked, "What's his number?"
每个星期天牧师都会把孩子们叫到教堂前面,然后给他们讲一个故事。一天,他为了更好地阐述祈祷的含义,带来了一台电话机。
“你们和别人在电话里交谈,并没有看到电话线另一端的人,对吗?”他开始问道。孩子们点头称是。“好的,和上帝交谈就象通过电话交谈一样。他就在另一端,虽然你看不见他,但是他正在聆听你的心声。”
就在这时,一个小男孩尖着嗓子问道:“那他的电话号码是什么?”
以上就是读文网小编为大家带来的搞笑幽默英语小故事精选,希望大家喜欢!
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从古到今,笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”。笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松,在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。下面读文网小编为大家带来搞笑幽默英语笑话,欢迎大家阅读!
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, and then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini.
一个生意人走进一家酒馆,在吧台坐下,点了一杯加冰的双料martini。喝完,那生意人往自己衬衣的口袋里瞥了一眼,然后又让服务员把杯子满上。
After he finishes that, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.
喝完,生意人又往自己衬衣的口袋里瞥了一眼,然后又让服务生帮他把杯子满上。
The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
这时酒馆的服务生说话了,“呃,老兄,我整个晚上给你倒martini都没有问题,但你得告诉我,你为什么在点下一杯酒前都要往自己衬衣的口袋里偷偷看那么一眼”。
The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
生意人回答,“我看的是我老婆的一张照片。如果照片上的人开始变得好看起来,那就说明我喝得差不多了,该回家了。”
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学习英语,阅读真的很重要,多阅读一些简单的英语笑话也是提高英语阅读能力的一种,下面读文网小编在这里整理了一些幽默简单英语小故事给大家,希望大家会喜欢这些英语故事!
Alan worked in an office in the city. He worked very hard and really looked forward to his holidays.
艾伦在城市里的一家公司上班。他工作非常辛苦,他期盼着假期。
He usually went to the seaside, but one year he saw an ad in a newspaper "Enjoy country life. Spend a few weeks at Willow Farm. Good food, fresh air, horse riding, walking, fishing. Reasonable prices."
他经常去海边度假,但是有一年他在报纸上看到了一则广告:“享受乡村生活。在唯利屋农场度假数周,可享受:美味佳肴、新鲜空气、骑马、散步、垂钓。价格便宜!”
"This sounds like a good idea." he thought, "I'll spend a month at Willow Farm. I'll enjoy horse riding, walking and fishing. They'll make a change from sitting by the seaside."
“这听起来真是一个好主意。”他想,“我要在唯利屋农场度假一个月。我要享受骑马,散步和垂钓的乐趣。这将带来和坐在海边不一样的情趣。”
Four days later he returned home.
四天后他回来了。
"What's wrong with Willow Farm ?" his friend asked him. "Didn't you enjoy country life?"
“唯利屋农场怎么了?”他的朋友问道。“难道乡村生活无趣吗?”
"Country life was fine," Alan said. "But there was another problem."
“乡村生活倒是挺好的,”艾伦说。“但是有另一个问题。”
"Oh, what?"
“噢,是什么呢?”
"Well, the first day I was there a sheep died, and we had roast lamb for dinner."
“喔,在那里的第一天,一头羊死了,我们的晚餐是烤羊肉。”
"Fresh meat is the best."
“新鲜肉类真不错。”
"I know, but on the second day a cow died, and we had roast beef for dinner."
“我知道,但是第二天一头牛死了,我们的晚餐时烤牛肉。”
"Lucky you!"
“真幸运!”
"You don't understand," Alan said. "On the third day a pig died and we had roast pork for dinner."
“你不知道,”艾伦说。“第三天一头猪死了,我们的晚餐时烤猪肉。”
"A different roast every day." Jack exclaimed.
“每天都有不同的烤肉。”杰克感叹道。
"Let me finish," Alan said. "On the fourth day the farmer died and I didn't dare stay for dinner!"
“让我说完,”艾伦说道。“第四天农夫死了,我不敢留下了吃晚餐!”
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笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松,在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。下面读文网小编为大家带来幽默搞笑英语笑话带翻译,欢迎大家阅读!
幽默搞笑英语笑话1:
My youngest brother, Tony, had just completed basic training and was home on leave prior to his first tour in Germany. Since I was an Army National Guard pilot and my another brother was my crew chief, we offered to take Tony to catch his transport overseas.
When we landed at Air Force Base, several of Tony's fellow privates came out to greet him. Tony ran ahead, while my another brother and I followed with his gear. As Tony approached hisbuddies, he was bewildered(困惑的) by their dumbfounded(目瞪口呆的) stares.
Finally, he realized his friends weren't seeing his two brothers giving him a lift, they were seeing a new private arrive in his own helicopter -- with his captain and sergeant carrying his bags!
我最年幼的弟弟托尼刚刚完成基本训练,在进行第一次德国之行前请假回家。我是国民警卫队的飞行员,我的另一个弟弟是我们部门的长官,我们提出去送托尼。
当我们在空军基地降落时,托尼的几个士兵朋友出来迎接他。托尼跑在前面,而我和另一个弟弟提着他的衣物跟在后面。当托尼跑向他的伙伴时,他们目瞪口呆的神情让托尼很是疑惑。
最后,他意识到,他的朋友看到的不是他的两个哥哥在给他提行李,他们看到的是一个新兵从他自己的直升机走下来,身后跟着给他提行李的队长和士兵。
幽默搞笑英语笑话2:
One day a boy came to his teacher and said: "Teacher, pa wants to know if you like roast pig."
"I certainly do," said the teacher, "and you tell your father he is very kind to think of me."
Days passed, and nothing more was said about the roast pig.
Finally the teacher said to the boy: "I thought your father was going to send me over some roast pig."
"Yes," said the boy, "He did intend to, but the pig got well."
一天有个男孩去对他老师说:“老师,我爸想知道你是不是爱吃烤猪肉。”
“当然罗,”老师说,“去告诉你父亲,多谢他想着我。”
好几天过去了,再没提起考猪肉的事儿。
最后老师对男孩说:“我以为你父亲要给我送点烤猪肉来呢。”
“是啊,”孩子说,“他是这么想的,可后来猪又没病了。”
幽默搞笑英语笑话3:
Hanging in the hallway at Whites High School in Wabash, Ind., and the basketball team pictures from the past 40 years. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year - "62-63", "63-64", "64-65", etc.
One day I spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos. Turning to me, he said, "Isn't it strange how the teams always lost by one point?"
位于印第安那州瓦巴西的怀兹中学,其门厅里悬挂着过去四十年间样篮球队的照片。每幅照片前排中间的队员举着一个篮球,上面标明年份-“62-63”,“63-64”,“64-65”等等。
一天,我看到一个新生很困惑地看着照片。他朝我转过身来,说道:“多奇怪呀,这些队都是以一分之差输掉的!"
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阅读英语笑话是我们放松的一种方式,下面读文网小编为大家带来幽默搞笑英语小笑话,欢迎大家阅读收藏!
On her return from school,little Dolly, aged ten,was pulled on to her Daddy's knee,and informed that the fairies had that day brought a big surprise-a little baby brother.She seemed glad,and presently said:
放学回到家里,十岁的小多莉被拉过来坐在她爸爸的膝上,她被告知那天仙女们带来了一个大大的惊奇—一个婴儿小弟弟。她似乎很高兴,马上说:
"Will you give me a stamp,daddy?I want to write and tell brother Tom.
“爸爸,你能不能给我一张邮票?我要写信告诉汤姆哥哥。”
The father was touched by this,and provided the little lass with the materials to write a letter to her brother,who was away at school.Later,curious to know how she would tell the news,he took an opportunity to read what she had written.He received something of a shock on reading the following:
父亲被这话感动了,他为小姑娘提供了给她哥哥写信所需的各种用具,她的哥哥住在学校里。后来,想知道她是怎么报告这个消息的,他找机会读了她写的信。在读到下面这两行字时,他差点儿惊呆了:
“Dear Tom,
“亲爱的汤姆:
It's come off today.You've lost;it's a boy.”
今天结果出来了,你输了;是个男孩。”
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笑话在人们的日常生活中起着重要放松方式,下面读文网小编为大家带来搞笑幽默英语笑话附翻译,希望大家喜欢!
On the way home after watching a ballet performance, the kindergarten teacher asked her students what they thought of it. The smallest girl in the class said she wished the dancers were taller so that they wouldn't have to stand on their toes all the time.
看完芭蕾舞表演,幼儿园的老师在回家的路上问她班里的孩子们感觉怎么样。班里最小的一个女孩说,她希望演员们个子再高点就好了,这样就不用蹈着脚跳了。
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笑话在人们的日常生活中起着重要放松方式,下面读文网小编为大家带来幽默搞笑英语短笑话附翻译,欢迎大家阅读!
One afternoon while I was talking to a professor,my two-year-old daughter, Lily wandered into a nearby classroom. There was a math class in progress and,to my dismay,Lily sat down in the front row.
一天下午,当我和一位教授谈话时,我两岁的女儿莉莉走进了旁边的一间教室。教室正在上数学课,使我惊愕的是,莉莉进去在第一排坐下了。
When I went in to get her, the instructor stopped me. "Young lady,”he said,“I have been teaching calculus at this college for over 20 years. In that time,not once has anyone come to my class just he or she wanted to. The child may stay.”’
当我进去想把她弄出来时,讲课的教师拦住了我。“夫人,”他说,“我在这所大学里教微积分已经二+几年了。在这段时间里从没有人自愿来听我的课。让孩子待在这吧。”
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笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”,在我们的日常生活中起着重要放松作用。下面读文网小编为大家带来经典幽默英语小笑话带翻译,希望大家喜欢!
Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year,his history professor failed him in his examinations,and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However,his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.
杰克在一所大学学历史。第一学期结束时,历史课教授没让他及格。学校让他退学。然而,杰克的父亲决定去见教授,强烈要求让杰克继续来年的学业。
"He’s a good boy,"said Jack’s father,"and if you let him pass this time,I’m sure he’II improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well.”
“他是个好孩子,”杰克的父亲说,“您要是让他这次及格,我相信他明年会有很大进步,学期结束时,他一定会考好的。”
"No,no,that’s quite impossible,"replied the professor immediately.“Do you know,last month I asked him when Napoleon had died,he didn't know”
“不,不,那不可能,”教授马上回答,“你知道吗?上个月我问他拿破仑什么时候死的,他都不知道。”
"Please sir, give him another chance,"said Jack’s father. "You see I'm afraid we don’t take any newspaper in our house,so none of us even knows that Napoleon was ill,"
“先生,请再给他一次机会吧。”杰克的父亲说,“你不知道,恐怕是因为我们家没有订报纸。我们家的人连拿破仑病了都不知道。”
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想用轻松愉快的心情来学习英语吗?下面读文网小编为大家带来英语幽默短笑话带翻译,希望大家喜欢!
Our teacher was telling us about a new system of memory training being used in someschools today.
我们的老师正在给我们介绍现在某些学校使用的一种新的记忆训练系统。
“It works like this,”she said. "Suppose you wanted to remember the name of a poet-Robert Burns,for instance.”She told us to think of him as Bobby Burns.“Now get in your head a picture of a London policeman,a bobby in flames. See? Bobby Burns!”
“这个系统是这样的,”她说。“假定你要记住一个诗人的名字一一例如,要记住罗伯特·彭斯的名字。”她告诉我们把他当作博比·彭斯。“让你的脑海里闪现出一个伦敦警察的形象,燃烧着的警察。明白吗?警察燃烧!”
“I see what you mean,”said the class know it all.“But how can you tell that it's not Robert Browning?”
“我明白你的意思,”班上的万事通说。“但是你怎么能说那就不是罗伯特·布朗宁呢?”
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英语情景对话是练习英语口语的重要阅读材料,那么你想学习一些幽默的两人英语对话吗?下面读文网小编为大家带来两人幽默英语对话,希望对你有所帮助!
Son: Mum ,if someone broke your best. vase what would you do?
儿子:妈妈,如果有人打碎了你最好的花瓶,你会怎么办?
Mum: I'd spank him and send him to bed without any supper!
妈妈:我要揍他,还不让他吃晚饭就去睡觉!
Son: Well,you' d better get the slipper. Dad's just broken it !
儿子:好了,你准备好拖鞋吧,爸爸刚把那只花瓶摔碎了。
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